I kept seeing the same pattern: a couple month of outstanding work from talented people would slowly degrade into failure to meet deadlines, then poor quality work, and eventually barely even answering my emails! Some even resigned altogether.
I didn’t understand… if they are being paid by the hour, shouldn’t they naturally want to work more hours to create quality websites on time??
It took a painfully honest look at myself to begin understanding why I was consistently failing to keep my workers motivated.
More recently, with hindsight, I came to understand that my deepest flaw was a scarcity-driven yearning to make money. I was lacking the inspiration to produce meaningful contribution in the world, and this trickled down to my team that found the grind depressing.
Yet back then, in 2020, when my blood was boiling to succeed, I wasn’t ready to understand that. What I knew however was that wisdom lies books, so I read many. Actually, I listened to most, so thank you Audible for helping me get through so much literature during long drives and without further straining my eyes.
One of the books I consumed that year was recommended by my roommate and landlord Sean Redmond whom I look up to for his relentless discipline and ability to succeed. His MBA professor in LA was an author of Tribal Leadership, a beautiful study and well formulated look at the spiritual evolution of people, as it applies to the workplace.
Tribal Leadership is much deeper than your average business advice volume, it’s about the inner reality that people live in.
The theory categorizes people into 5 distinct stages, defined by core beliefs that people hold as truth about the world and their place in it:
Stage 1: “Life Sucks!”
People in stage one sincerely believe that the world is a horrible place, and that everyone alive is either outright suffering, or pretending not to. Since reality is so bleak, there’s really no reason to try to live by any moral standards. Respect for self, others and their property is lacking. All sorts of destructive behaviors are justified. These people are often isolated and lonely. They are most often seen in the streets or in prison. If you are unfortunate enough to have a stage 1 in your team, they are likely to be missing shifts, drinking on the job and stealing.
To help a person in stage one, the best you can do is get them to see that there actually ARE people who enjoy their lives. If they can come to see that, there’s a chance they can push through to…
Stage 2: “My Life Sucks.”
Although still a bleak reality, this is a huge step up since it includes a hint of hope that life COULD be better. Sadly, about 25% of all employees in the USA are operating in stage 2. They often pair up with a similar person and lament together, frequently talking about how hard their life is. They are not excited by the company’s mission and stage 2 managers even try to protect their team from their leader’s attempts at getting anything significant done. As a service provider, I remember working for a stage-2 C-level executive! She constantly complained about how everything was stacked up against her success and there was simply no way the project could succeed. The best I could get from her was an agreement to go through the motions so as to demonstrate some kind of progress to the rest of the company.
To help a person in stage 2, the best is to pair them up with a mentor who is a step ahead…
Stage 3: “I Am Great!”
I hope I’m not the only one who is smart enough to be amused by the fact that nearly 50% of workers believe they are better than everyone else. Double-pun aside, this core belief is indeed common and although it’s still rather isolating, it makes for highly productive individuals. Most experts, engineers, lawyers, doctors, professors, freelancers and business owners operate at stage 3. You’ll often hear these individualists talk about their own accomplishments, and how difficult it is to get good help from anyone else. Only they are good enough to get the job done, and they are very proud of that. They define their social reality with utilitarian dyadic relationships between themselves and other individuals, whom they see as assets to their own success.
Although it can be great to have some high-performing stage three-ers in specific roles at your company, it can be useful to give them a taste of contribution by asking them to mentor a stage-2 person and also appealing to their desire to accomplish EVEN MORE by collaborating more openly with people who operate one level above…
Stage 4: “We Are Great!”
Tribal Leadership really only becomes a reality once people see that they are indeed… a tribe! Feeling that you are genuinely part of a team, pack or family is reassuring, uplifting and most effective actually! Individuals at stage 4 speak as “we”, and don’t feel the need to take credit for their accomplishments that they attribute instead to the team. Unlike the “hub and spokes” drawing of dyadic relationships that stage-3 people perceive themselves as the center of, these team players draw complex linked constellations to represent their team and social circles. The high-energy, inclusive feeling you get when visiting a stage-4 team is contagious, because it feels great!
Initially the authors saw stage 4 as the holy-grail of a workplace. Driven by a desire to outperform competing teams, they get a lot done and have a blast in the process. However, there seems to still be yet a higher state that one can aspire to…
Stage 5: “Life Is Great”
Unlike the excitement that stage-4 tribes exude, teams at stage 5 still display focus and drive, but appear more calm. The main difference being that they are not driven by a competitive urge to outperform another team, but by a greater vision to stretch the boundaries of what is possible. People working on these teams are so insanely aligned with the common goal that there is almost a mystic feeling in the air. Curing cancer or ending pollution are the types of projects these teams work on.
Funny enough, many people at stage 3 believe they are at stage 5… you can really tell the difference by listening to their language. Are they talking about a common vision or their accomplishments? Who do they give credit to?
Reading this inspiring book, I slowly came to realize that I was a stage 3 prick, setting up my subcontractors for stage-2 realities where they could never live up to my expectations nor even take pride in their own work. Having a manager who is convinced they are the best must suck. No wonder I never wanted to work under one myself! Yet, I had allowed myself to become one.
Although this book certainly didn’t make me a great leader, it nudged me to change my ways.
I quickly set the intention to celebrate my teammates louder and more often. I encouraged them to take ownership of their work, easing off on micro-management and putting them directly in touch with our clients. That was a scary move for me that I don’t regret at all!
Perhaps most importantly, it led to me asking the question… “what is our deeper purpose”?
Realizing that our team could help change the world by supporting coaches and healers who are inspired to heal global trauma and assist others in feeling safe, loved and connected – this has given us a vision to work towards and a reason to continue no matter what.
In a future post, I’ll touch on a book that helped me formulate this answer to that question and ultimately contributed to changing my life and our company.
For now, I’m curious to hear from you: what books have you read about leadership, management and relationships that changed how you interact with your teammates?
